Journey to Kazakhstan

All about my international adoption from Kazakhstan

Waiting sucks!

March 24, 2008 at 12:11 pm · Filed under Adoption Stories

Okay I realize the title of this post is rather juvenile but I don’t care.  I am about this fed up with waiting.  I am sick to death of it.  I keep waiting to get to the point where I don’t have to wait anymore and then only come to realize even though I have been progressing along, that in fact, I have STILL more waiting to do.  I did the math only to realize that I am looking at a WAIT of about 20 more days till I can see Karina again.  20 DAYS FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE!!!!!!  I already feel like I have not seen her in nearly a month and it has only been 2 weeks and 3 days.  When will this infernal waiting end?  Is this to be my WHOLE FREAKING LIFE? 

 I actually really have the desire to have a full blown temper tantrum.  I have in my past adult life experienced things that made me feel like having a temper tantrum and I got joy about imagining throwing myself on the floor and kicking and screaming but never have I actually wanted to really do it.  Not that anyone would care.  Although I am sure they would look at me funny for a few minutes.  I just can’t believe after all of this – everything that I have gone through I am once again sitting at home on the couch …..WAITING.  Uhhhh, nothing has changed…..I have to keep looking at the pictures and the video tape because there is a part of my brain that keeps saying I dreamt it all and it all was a dream.  Kazakhstan and Karina was all a lovely dream.

I have tried to occupy myself with activities like deKarinaizing the house – not easy to do – the whole place looks to me like one ER trip after another – don’t talk to me about the Kitchen which I have renamed “The Killing Room” – the place is full to the brim with ways to maime, mutliate and kill yourself.  I have opted for a strong and unlatchable gate because otherwise it would take me a week to safeguard the room.  Even so I know that in a sense it is all busy work (important work but busy work nonetheless)  designed to try and burn up a few more pointless days of waiting. 

So I don’t know who the patron saint of waiting is but let me tell you I have had all the waiting one person in one life can take.  I am done waiting forever.  I may become one of those people that cuts ahead of others in front of line just so I don’t ever have to wait again – I will risk a fist fight just to never have to stand around with my hands in my pockets going “Is it time yet?”

You all have been wonderful readers but please don’t feel you have to respond with a comment about how the wait will be over soon – frankly it can’t happen soon enough for me….I have a Ph.D. in waiting from the University of Life and I am working on my second one at this point.  The only cure for my problem is a short person on the other side of the world.        

10 Comments »

  Chris and Tricia wrote @ March 24, 2008 at 2:17 pm

Your kitchen comment is funny and scary at the same time. It is scary to think of all of the hazards that kids can get into and you can only protect them so much. Let the parental worrying begin. Go take that temper tantrum somehow, like a baseball bat to a tree (an old dying one preferrably). It will make you feel better and get some of that frustration out of your system until you can be with your Karina again. She is such a cutie.

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  Susan wrote @ March 24, 2008 at 2:39 pm

maybe you would feel better if you just went ahead and had the temper tantrum-go ahead….we would understand.

I hope your eternal wait goes by REALLY fast and that if you have a full blown temper tantrum, it makes you feel a tad better and makes the waiting more bearable.

Childproofing is certainly enough to keep you somewhat busy. :)

My prayers are with you for a relatively calm wait (after the temper tantrum) Just DONT’ bang your head on a tile floor-that hurts. :)

xoxoxoxo

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  Angela wrote @ March 24, 2008 at 4:38 pm

As you know, I had a big, blinking, blogging temper tantrum today. Some of it was tongue-in-cheek. I crack myself up with all my worries some times. It is funny to see them there on the screen in black & khaki. My point here is that I agree with Susan. Scream, yell, throw yourself around because it sucks to wait! Catharsis is good.

I know the kitchen seems scary, but Karina may not be one to get into a lot of stuff. This isn’t to say that you should not prepare . . . but, also, it looks a lot scarier than it will actually be. Luca never got into stuff. And, honestly, I worried about that too. Welcome to parenthood.

I am trying to be reassuring here, but am doing a sucky job.

May you never have to wait for anything in your life after this!

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  withheld wrote @ March 25, 2008 at 7:51 am

You must have forgotten–I reported to you several months ago that your blog popped from a simple Google search. I can’t believe that you want this kind of ranting to be accessible all over the world to anyone–including persons in Kazakhstan. Please, please consider how your, frankly, scary remarks could affect other families’ attempts to adopt. Please focus on your child and all other waiting children when you sit down at your keyboard.

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  Amy wrote @ March 25, 2008 at 9:27 am

Hey withheld – how about listing what you find offensive instead of just being the vague blog police. I don’t read minds. Is it my expression of frustration you think will annoy people? My description of how dangerous an average kitchen can seem through the eyes of a new parent? What? Be specific and I will most gladly take your “opinion” into account. Act supercilious and domineering and threatening and I will respond in kind. The saying “A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall” is most appropriate here.

You need to remember that you are speaking to someone that lives in and understands the laws and the rights of a citizen of the United States. Here you can’t intimidate…here you have to ask nicely and then if you are reasonable and polite your request is much more likely to be taken into account. Let me rewrite a portion of your comment for you to show you how it goes in this country…..I realize that you are frustrated with the wait process and that you are speaking off the cuff about your frustrations and you have every right to do so but remember how sometimes our language doesn’t always translate that well and others who are reading your comments from Kazakhstan that are not native to our country might take your words literally, which I am sure you don’t literally mean.

See the difference? I do not think you really care about adoptions or other people’s adoptions being marred and let me tell you why. You don’t seem to go at a problem with the intent of getting to your stated intended outcome – no issues or problems for adopters and adoptees….because if that was REALLY your intent you would find a way to do it that was not patronizing and overtly aggressive because you know that that more gentle approach would be far more likely to succeed.

Instead, you choose to do it in a manner that would attempt to threaten and intimidate and raise the ire of the person you are sending the message to, so I must assume your actual and foremost intent is, in fact, to threaten and intimidate and raise ire.

If you really want to impact public blogs you should find a better way of asking.

Addition: And, as an attorney you should clearly know better then to send such inappropriate emails attempting to stifle the very freedoms of speech your occupation is sworn to uphold. Or do you just send out messages showing that return address at a legal firm as yet another attempt at intimidation?

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  Regina wrote @ March 25, 2008 at 10:18 am

You crack me up. Surely your sense of humor will help get you through this SUCKY time. ;-)

Someone once said “Patience is the art of waiting.” That might be true, but somtimes the art is not so pretty!

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  Amy wrote @ March 25, 2008 at 10:26 am

LOL. I love that quote and particularly your take on it. And being that my artistic abilities top out at stick figures I guess we can assume that my “art of waiting” is equally as unskilled. LOL. I can draw a pretty mean smiley face though!

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  Kristan wrote @ March 25, 2008 at 1:10 pm

HUGS!!!!

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  Kelly & Sne wrote @ March 25, 2008 at 6:58 pm

Well, if it makes you feel any better – you are not alone. While I’m sure that our agony is nothing like yours as we haven’t yet met our child – this waiting is driving me nuts too (we have been waiting 10 weeks now for an LOI since the dossier arrived in Semey). I vacillate daily between frustration, depression and pure anguish. I have started a couple of home projects that I had been putting off, such as painting the basement rec room. That has helped a little as it gives me busy work to keep occupied and a little goal so at least I can feel productive. If you haven’t already, you can also try “talking” to her at night. Your bond was strong so I’m sure she’ll sense your thoughts.

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  Amy wrote @ March 26, 2008 at 8:41 am

That is a great idea Kelly (I am assuming this is Kelly – if is Sne then you are a truly enlightened male) I believe in that sort of stuff and I am surprised I didn’t think of it myself to make me feel better…..thanks for idea.

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